That awkward moment when you open a door and you hit someone.
The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.
“
| — | The Notebook (via whosaysyoucantbefree) |
if i die young…
The Band Perry’s song has been stuck in my head for days and i’m absolutely in love with it. It brings me to tears sometimes thinking about the passing of my 19 year old cousin two years ago. I still miss seeing him at family gatherings and my mom’s side of the family has not, and probably will never be the same. He was always such a happy and loving cousin. But this song also makes me think about what things would be like if i died young. Would others really be effected? Did i actually make a difference in anyone’s lives that they’d miss me, or even mourn me? Did i achieve enough of my dreams or pushed them to the side? I’ve traveled to France twice and made friends who live over 3,000 miles away. I’ve learned so much from them, and they helped make me realize that its important to take out time and do things for myself and relax. They also taught me any dreams possible and its important to chase them. This is why for my 18th birthday i got the phrase “vis tes reves, ne reve pas ta vis” or live your dreams, dont dream your life, tattooed on my ribs. But i dont think i’m done and i feel like i have an entire set of dreams to continue to chase. I want to travel, not just to the Caribbean or some place tropical, but somewhere i can learn. I want to visit Greece and Ireland. Maybe one day i can visit Malta, where i still have many relatives. I have a travel bug and i’m not ready to go just yet. But have i even left enough of a mark in anyone’s hearts? No. Personally i don’t think my passing would make a catastrophic effect in anyone’s life, besides my younger brothers. I freakin love that kid to death but sometimes we get at each others throats. Its safe to say my parents can’t stand me. We’re always fighting and leaving for France this summer i realized how much i missed them and love them, but i dont think the feelings mutual at all. As far as my boyfriend i think he’d be upset but he has many friends and this other girl he can run to. I’m just a small speed bump in his life, just as i was in my ex’s life. My friends are amazing. I dont have many friends but i have a few close one that i can trust with my life. I think they’d miss me but we are at the years where we are going away to college and friendships accidentally break and communication cut. The three of us are going all over. I’m going to nyc, one is going to West Virginia and the other upstate, Albany….. i dont know what the next few years entail, but i want to continue to find myself and accomplish my dreams and career …..but i’m scared i’ll be stuck doing it alone.
all too much like “Dear John”…
So admitting this to any of my friends (sober) would make me sound like an evil, inconsiderate bitch, and i absolutely love the movie “Dear John” but situation is all too much like the ending of the movie. One of my boyfriend’s best friend is this gorgeous girl a year younger than us. She has the perfect blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny….any girl’s threat. They’ve been friends for years and though the “i love you sibling” posts on facebook are said to not actually mean anything, i wouldnt be surprised if anything between them happened while i’m away in the nyc for college. It sucks because no matter how many times i tell him how uncomfortable things she says makes me, he just pushes it away and says they are just friends. The only problem I have with this was eight months ago when my boyfriend at the time was worried that my current boyfriend and I might have something, i denied everything. It’d be karama if Marie (changing her name in this post) and my boyfriend did anything. Well yesterday my boyfriend informed me that Marie may have spine cancer. So though i feel bad for her and hope things go okay, i wonder who will be going to the doctors or hospital with Marie all the time…..hint- my boyfriend. Just like Savannah fell for Tim, i think my boyfriend will fall for Marie…i have no idea what to do…
